Kuroba Kaito, Class Clown
by Hayashi Mikako
Summary: Of Kaito's daily antics, from the point of view of his teacher
1. Introduction

**Introduction: Trouble**

Ikenishi Kamiko* couldn't say she hated her job. After all, it was the only job she could find, and she needed some sort of income.

And anyway, it wasn't too bad. She had sensible working hours, and she was well paid. Her students mostly behaved.

Mostly.

Yet in every class, it seems, there always has to be that one individual, who seems to have it in for the teacher. In all of her six years of teaching, every year there was one. The one who sat in the back of the classroom and talked endlessly. The one who always disrupted the class. The one that would never settle down.

Every year.

And this year was the worst.

He was a demon by the name of Kuroba Kaito, and Kamiko found herself often wondering if the spirits had purposely placed him in class 2-B merely to torment her. You see, Kuroba Kaito was more than your average naughty student. Oh yes, much much more. Not only was Kuroba a prankster, but he was also a—Kamiko had often wondered how to phrase this, but in the end she could only find one word: genius.

Despite—or maybe because of—her knowledge that this was the worst possible combination of two personalities in a single human being, Kamiko had spoken to the headmaster wondering if he could possibly have Kuroba placed in a more advanced level of study, which, she had told him, was "far more suitable to his talents."

But alas, the headmaster stated that it was far too much of a hassle to reposition a student in the middle of the term. And so, Kamiko would simply have to wait.

She knew that his incredible intelligence could create a brilliant person, and often wondered why Kuroba would choose such a way to put his brain to use. But that was merely part of the reason why she had gone to the headmaster.

The other part was because she bitterly wished for Kuroba to be gone, not be in her class. Let him be someone else's trouble. Why hers?

Oh well...he'd be her trouble for another four months. Four months, she told herself, Four months only. Then he'll be gone.

Gone for good. Not her problem anymore.

***Kaito's teacher's name is not specified in the manga or anime. Ikenishi Kamiko is a name that I use in all manga/anime fanfictions where I need to make up a female name, simply because I think it sounds pretty. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own. This goes for all chapters**

**Please review! I would love to see what you think! :D**


	2. Part 1: Confetti

**Part 1: Confetti**

One might say, 'Oh this Kuroba, he's just a boy. How much trouble can he be?' Kamiko begged to differ. _Just a boy_ was an incredibly inaccurate description of Kuroba Kaito. It was more like _Just a very, very smart boy with a devious mind, twelve doves, a box of confetti, a tube of silly string, five packets of semi-permanent hair dye (turquoise, purple, orange, blue and pink), a rabbit, thirty-two roses (twenty-one red, eight yellow and three white) and a total of around five hundred yen in coins (three ¥100 coins and four ¥50 coins) stuffed up his sleeves._

Then one might say, 'What can a boy do with twelve doves, a box of confetti, a tube of silly string, five packets of hair dye, a rabbit, thirty-two roses and so many coins?' Kamiko could answer simply. In fact, she could talk for ages about what he could do with just a few boxes of confetti.

* * *

_Kamiko remembered that day very vividly. Even as she tried to forget it, it showed up in her mind every time she saw confetti of any kind._

_The day had begun like a normal day. Normal in Ekoda High, Class 2-B, was not very normal for other classes in Ekoda High, or any school for that matter. It began with the cause of all damage, disaster, chaos and otherwise loss of sanity, Kuroba Kaito, sauntering in as the five minute bell rang. Kamiko usually did not pay attention to what he did, preferring to read her magazine and drink her coffee. However, this peace that she liked to have before class started was usually disturbed by Nakamori Aoko, Kuroba's good friend, leaping out of her seat in rage and screaming at Kuroba. This was usually followed by Kuroba sticking out his tongue at her, and that was followed by Nakamori leaping up and grabbing the nearest item she could possibly use as a weapon, which is always the mop that the custodian leaves in the isolated corner of the classroom where Nakamori's desk is. Most of her students refer to what happens next as the 'daily mop chase' where Nakamori attempts to kill Kuroba with a mop._

_Well Kamiko should be one to know that in the hands of Nakamori Aoko, anything could be a murder weapon._

_Kamiko is the only one to notice when the bell rings for class to start. Her students, oblivious, continue to stare at the duo that are making their way across the classroom, one brandishing a mop, the other evading it._

_She flips open her booklet. Today is a math day. Quickly she grabs up a piece of chalk and copies some simple algebraic equations on the blackboard. She taps on the podium with her pointer and clears her throat._

_She didn't know why she expected the students to listen when she did that._

_It was not until ten minutes later that the class had quieted down so that she could speak. She asked the students to copy the equations in their notebook, intending to start actual study._

_But there was still Kuroba._

_Kuroba, with twelve doves, a box of confetti, a tube of silly string, five packets of semi-permanent hair dye, a rabbit, thirty-two roses and five hundred yen in coins stuffed up his sleeves._

_It was only the second week of school, and Kamiko had not yet known to fear the worst. She was focused on teaching. It was her job as a teacher, after all, to ensure that the students learned to use their potential to the maximum._

_Unfortunately, Kuroba's way of doing this was very different from hers._

_She'd had her back turned. She'd been writing on the blackboard. How was she supposed to know that on this very day, Kuroba had hidden four boxes of confetti in his bag? How was she supposed to know that during breaktime, when Kamiko had gone to the teacher's room to get her coffee and all the other students had gone out to play, Kuroba had prepared an inflatable dummy and filled it to the top with shiny confetti?_

_She didn't. That was her loss._

_The dummy was a rather exquisite image of Kuroba sleeping soundly at his desk. Kamiko hadn't noticed as it was rather common for Kuroba to sleep in class. "What is the point of learning something if I don't need to know it?" he said. And then he'd go right to sleep._

_After that, Kamiko, as a teacher, would wake him up. Looking back, Kamiko wondered why she even bothered. Let him do what he wants._

_Yet absentmindedly, having done this with many students years before (were her classes really that boring?) she'd stepped up to him to jolt him awake._

_Maybe she should've been more careful._

* * *

You do not need to know what happened next. I, as the storyteller, am very certain that you have already guessed what was coming. Yet Kamiko's reaction simply did not tell it. It would be easy to simply suppose that she had yelled at Kuroba and punished him. However Kamiko could not bring herself to bother with the boy anymore. She simply told Kuroba to clean up his mess and left the room.

* * *

_Ikenishi Kamiko stood in front of the mirror in the teachers' lounge, combing the confetti out of her hair._

_Or rather, trying to. It was the kind of confetti that was small and intertwined with hair so that no matter how much you combed it, it would not come out unless you washed it._

_She was certain this was Kuroba's intention._

_She planned the next day to call in sick._

* * *

**Hi! I don't know if this is good, but I hope you guys like it! Please review! It will probably be a while before I upload the next chapter because I am going to a summer camp and I honestly don't know if I will have WiFi. Summer camp is three weeks long. But yes I will try to upload the next chapter as soon as I can and update my other story. The problem with me is that once I think of an idea I immediately abandon all other ideas and work on that. I just got a new idea for a story and so...But I don't know if that one will be coming up anytime soon. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)**

**Please review! :D**


	3. Part 2: Substitute

**Hi guys! No, I've not given up on this story yet! So here's part two! This is totally unrealistic, yeah I know, but I thought it would entertain..**

Kamiko spent the day in bed, wondering what horrible, horrible disaster she had thrown right at the unsuspecting substitute. Oh, oh, how the guilt rose in her chest as she flung thoughts of catastrophe around her brain. How horrid, how terrible of her to place such a burden on the small shoulders of the substitute. How guilty she felt by taking her own pain and depositing it on another.

And yet, despite that..

She hadn't been expecting _this_.

No, it was an understatement to say she was shocked. To say she was terrified. No, she was appalled, revolted. Kuroba, it seems, picks on the weaker prey that is, naturally, a younger substitute teacher that has no idea what to expect.

She could swear the teacher was _shaking _as she handed Kamiko the report. And as she read it, it became obvious why.

Oh my god, she needed to tell the principal about this.. But who would believe it? And anyway, Kuroba would find some way to get himself out of trouble, for certain. But, this.. This was too much.

Apparently Kuroba had spent the day _being _the teacher, with the actual teacher duct-taped to the wall covered with glitter and silly string. This was already serious, but Kuroba.. He spent the entire day teaching students to..

Oh god.

Oh my god, what had she done?!

Kuroba had spent the day..

teaching students..

how to..

eat

noodles.

_It was, almost, funny, _The report read. _After he went about, pulling bowls of noodles from seemingly nowhere (how does he do that?) and gave one to each student, he went to the front of the room by the podium. He used the pointer and tapped a weird rhythm, then he announced, "alright, everybody! Today, because our wonderful Ikenishi-sensei is not here, _I _shall be the teacher. Today's lesson is: How to Eat Noodles!" I must say the students were surprised, annoyed, but also a bit grateful it would not be history. I was pretty sure that this kid wouldn't go through with it—I mean, I've seen some pretty crazy stuff in my years of teaching—once this guy put plastic spiders on top of the propelling fan on the ceiling, and when I turned it on.. Well anyway, I was pretty sure that this Kuroba boy wouldn't _actually _spend the _entire _day teaching students how to eat noodles! But I guess I've seen it all now, because this kid literally spent the whole day doing this! "First of all, I'm going to teach you how to hold chopsticks the right way." He went to all the students and gave them a pair of wooden chopsticks, and showed them how to hold it. Obviously all of them already knew how to do that, but it seems Kuroba's chopsticks are a little.. strange. When you hold them the correct way, there is a minuscule button where your thumb goes, which makes the chopsticks emit a loud sound and jump right out of your hand, clatter onto the floor and start spinning crazily. Kuroba just laughed and yelled, "Looks like the chopsticks want us to have a dance party!" he then jumped off the podium and started moving his limbs crazily, like he was one of the spinning chopsticks. _

Oh.. My god. This was enough, she didn't need to know more. And yet nobody would ever believe this kind of crazy story and so Kuroba would never be blamed. The only one that would ever believe it, Kamiko was sure, was she herself.

But.. she needed to keep on reading, it was too..

_He went right into their breaktime, and when one of them complained he would pull them right onto the floor with him and they would be forced to dance like a psycho spinning chopstick. And soon half the class was on the ground dancing like a weirdo, and Kuroba was screaming, "WE'RE ALL CRAZY CHOPSTICKS!"_

Kamiko sighed. Only to be expected of Kuroba.

_After he was tired of being a crazy chopstick, Kuroba said, "Okay, now it's time for me to show you how to pick up the noodles." he went to the podium with this GIGANTIC bowl of noodles and started picking up noodles with his chopsticks (normal ones now) _one strand at a time_. It was crazy. He'd pick up _one _strand of noodle and then he'd yell "Oh my god, it's escaping!" and throw it across the room as hard as he could. He did this until all the noodles in his gigantic bowl were scattered over the room and then he yelled, "CLEAN IT ALL UP, OR ELSE!" I don't know what 'or else' is but I think all the students knew because they went and did it. When they finished Kuroba went to inspect it and there was one noodle left in the corner. He shrieked and cried, "THERE.. THERE IS STILL ONE MORE NOODLE! YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED!" and I discovered what 'or else' was when Kuroba snapped his fingers and in a puff of pink smoke all the students' hair were dyed mismatched colors. He then proclaimed, "If you behave, I will return your hair to the normal color by the end of the school day and never speak of this again."_

_At lunchtime he locked the doors and the windows and had a disco party with noodles as refreshments. I don't know how he got the disco ball and tables into the school, but somehow he did and Kuroba stood on a desk in the middle of the classroom dancing the disco while the other students ate noodles. I noticed that sometime around now Koizumi Akako vanished and never returned to school. _

Ah. Kamiko never understood the wonder Koizumi was. The way she was so charming, and yet so cold. She never really understood it.

_In about twenty minutes I think Kuroba got bored of this and I thought finally he would give it up, but then he yelled "DID EVERYBODY FINISH THEIR NOODLES?" and I think that Hakuba boy finally had enough of this, and I don't know where Hakuba learned to jump out a second-story window without getting injured but he must have sometime. I think Kuroba was irritated that Hakuba was gone and so he spent the rest of the day hanging from the ceiling reading a gravity-defying book and eating a gravity-defying bowl of noodles while the rest of the students read a book written by Kuroba entitled _The Long and Detailed History of Noodles_ which I soon discovered to be one line 'Noodles are awesome' repeated over and over again in tiny font a bunch of times until it filled 329 pages._

Kamiko wasn't even surprised that Kuroba had gone this far to annoy the teacher and the class.

Kuroba made the students read all 329 pages out loud and it was somewhere around the second page when the Nakamori girl had enough and leapt out the open window screaming "WAIT FOR ME, HAKUBA-KUN!" And I wondered where the heck would the Nakamori girl have learned to jump out windows but at least she seemed fine. The other students just continued reading their copies of The Long and Detailed History of Noodles until the bell rang and the students all ran out immediately. And that was when I realised that the duct tape was gone and so I just ran home quickly.

Kamiko raised her eyebrows and turned over the page, sighing. Then she noted something written in messy handwriting on the back.

_It was the worst thing ever please please please don't call in sick anymore I really can't go back please please please it was absolutely the most terrible thing ever._

**Well that turned out.. OK. I'm pretty sure Kaito would never actually do this, but it was such a funny idea so I kind of had to post it. :D Anyway, for those of you wondering, Kaito always finds a way to get out of trouble, and in this one he stayed afterschool repairing all the damage and nobody except those who were there and Kamiko ever believed it because it was so crazy.**


	4. Part 3: Five Centimeters

**I was originally gonna put this up as Part 2, but then I thought I kinda wanted to write about what Kaito can do with a substitute teacher that has no idea what to expect.. But anyway, this is now part three enjoy**

When Ikenishi Kamiko stepped into the classroom the next morning, instantly she could tell something was off.

It was just not _right_. Something was not right. And yet she couldn't quite put her finger on _what_. But something, she was _certain_—was not right.

She glanced at Kuroba, which he had a habit of doing whenever something was wrong. And yet he had, plastered on his face, a look of such pure innocence that it almost seemed suspicious, and she knew that for whatever happened that day she would blame Kuroba whether there was proof it was him or not.

As she strode toward the front of the room in wide, sweeping steps, she contemplated whether it was better to go ask Kuroba what he had planned. If it was better to simply stop whatever horror was coming befor—

_Ah, ouch..! _she suddenly found herself clutching her hip in pain. _What.. Oh.. _well. She'd just walked into a student's desk. Ah, nothing to be worried about. She brushed herself off and was about to continue when a voice piped up behind her. "Are you okay, Ikenishi-sensei?

She turned. _What..? _It was.. "Kuroba?"

"Are you okay, Ikenishi-sensei?" the boy repeated.

"Ah.. yes..," Kamiko muttered, mentally scolding herself. And.. who was Kuroba to care? Something was up. Definitely. "Eh.. Why don't you go and sit down? Class will begin soon." _Just ignore it until it happens. It can't be _that _bad, right?_

"Hai sensei!" Kuroba exclaimed and scurried to his seat.

Kamiko stood at the front of the room looking over at the students as they scrambled to get ready for class. The room was surprisingly quiet.. No crazy mopchase or anything like that. It was so.. silent and Kamiko found herself secretly wishing for the daily disruption that was Nakamori with a mop.

It took Kamiko a little while to realize how there seemed to be.. An unusually high amount of students bumping into the edges of desks today. No, Kamiko did not spend days counting how many times her students walked into desks, but she could tell it was abnormal when every student had cried out in pain at least once by ten minutes into the school day.

_I BLAME KUROBA! _she screamed inwardly, with no idea of what he had done.

_You know, not everything is made, _she reprimanded herself, _it could just be a coincidence you know.._

Yeah. _Far _too much of a coincidence. The only days, which occurred about once in a blue moon where Kuroba was not noisy or caused a huge ruckus was on days in which he had done something major..

But Kuroba was not the kind to keep his tricks subtle. They were always loud, noisy, flashy. What..

Yet there was still something..

Not right.

It was like a video glitch where everything shifts slightly but you can't tell what exactly happened..

_What. Did. He. Do?_

* * *

**Yeah, so I don't know if that was good but I hope you liked it! Could you figure out what Kaito did? PM me if you can! The first person to (sort-of) accurately describe what Kaito did that Kamiko could not figure out shall choose the plot of the next chapter in this series and see it written by yours truly! Here's a hint: Look at the chapter title. OK, until next time! Drop a review! :D**


	5. Part 4: From Nowhere

**I am sooo sorry, I know this is totally overdue, but my computer was reimaged and I lost everything so I'm retyping this. ANYWAY! The winner of the last competition was ****_Alex Elvan_**** [Insert cheers and applause]. The correct answer is that Kaito moved everything 5cm to the left or right to throw off everybody's muscle memory of the classroom. So here it is, this is for you Alex-san :)**

Kamiko had a particularly hard time dragging herself out of bed that morning. After all, what can she expect from a certain rather smart magician prankster (YEAH RIGHT MORE LIKE A FLIPPING CHILD PRODIGY THAT GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO TORTURE HER WITH WHAT HE CALLS 'MAGIC' (WHAT SHE CALLS CRAZINESS)) who showed up every day to do nothing more but disrupt the class and leave, yet never get into any trouble?

Crazy.

But she can only live it, can't she?

_Oh god what does he have today?_

* * *

She was scarily aware that everything seemed to have reset when she came into the classroom. Students were talking, Nakamori was chasing Kuroba with a mop, Hakuba was sitting peacefully at his desk and everything was too average she couldn't help but sigh.

And so she starts class.. Right?

And everything throughout the day is normal.. Right?

Right?

_Baa_

What.. the..?

_DAMMIT KUROBA._

_Baa_

Okay, what had he done now? Did he bring a FLIPPING SHEEP to school? DAMMIT KUROBA YOU DON'T JUST TORTURE YOUR TEACHER LIKE THAT—

_Quack_

DAMMIT KUROBA DID YOU BRING A DUCK TOO?

Okay, wait. If he did, then where can he keep it? It's not like Kuroba can fully hide a FLIPPING SHEEP AND DUCK RIGHT?

RIGHT?

_RIGHT?_

_Moo_

AND THERE IS NO WAY HE CAN HIDE A COW!

_So where are the sounds coming from?_

HE IS CRAZY!

_Crazy, insane and a completely, utterly mad child prodigy—_

_Meow_

WHAT.

_Baa_

_Moo_

_Meow_

_Quack_

DAMMIT KUROBA STOP DISRUPTING THE FREAKIN LESSON!

_HOW IS HE DOING THIS? HE. IS. TOTALLY. INSANE._

And this held until breaktime.

Ekoda High, Class 2-B did not get any education that morning from their teacher who stood still at the front of the room with her hands clenched into fists and a dangerous glare in her eyes.

Plus the animal sounds coming from nowhere weren't helping either.

* * *

During break the students went outside leaving Kamiko to find the source of the sound. She searched every corner until she came to, behind a shelf, a CD player and CDs labelled _Sheep, Duck, Cow, _and _Cat._

CD PLAYER.

GOD SHE FELT STUPID NOW.

Just leave it to Kuroba to do something so obvious.

GOD SHE WAS SO STUPID.

Probably his intention though.

To make her feel stupid.

And completely disrupt the lesson.

**I'm sorry for the delay guys! Hope you like this! Will compensate by uploading the next chapter super fast, like tomorrow or the day after! :) I hope you liked this, Alex-san, and everybody else, I hope you liked this too! :D Please leave a review if you liked it, or even if you didn't. Thanks guys!  
~Mika-chan**


	6. Too Normal

Normal.

_Too _normal.

And too normal is never good when one Kuroba Kaito is around.

(Kamiko had learned to expect this the hard way.)

(And so had the rest of the class.)

Because when everything is normal, quiet, peaceful early in the morning when you step into the classroom, it is almost scary.

Like that feeling you get when you step on one of those broken moving sidewalk things in the airport.

(Like when you expect it to move, but it doesn't.)

(Too still.)

(Too peaceful.)

And all you can do is carry on like staring at Kuroba's all-too-innocent grin is not at all like looking a monster eye-to-eye.

(Even though it is.)

(How scary.)

So the obvious thing to do is to avoid looking at it.

But it's like trying not to stare at someone when they are staring at you.

Or trying not to look at somebody's vomit all over the floor.

(Like you don't want to look at it, but you have to.)

Like when you've got a cut somewhere and you keep on poking it even though it only hurts when you poke it.

(Trying to make sure it still hurts.)

(Or making sure Kuroba's scary grin is still there.)

(It always is.)

But she can only start the lesson, can't she?

(Directed at Kuroba.)

(Who still has the scary grin.)

(How scary.)

(Oh look.)

(Now he's rubbing his hands together.)

(What a scary person.)

Which can only mean he's planned something major, right?

(Right.)

(But who knows what it is?)

(Shudder.)

Tick-tock.

Time trickles.

(So slow.)

(Scary grin is still there.)

Break.

(I think, it could be expected if) All the students sprint out.

Except for Kuroba.

Who walks away slowly.

(_Very, very slowwwwwwllllyyyy._)

SCARY.

Which, of course, can only make her entire body hang with dread as she wonders what is to come.

Science.

Foreign Language.

Last class of the day..

and..

(FINALLY!)

Over.

(But what had she been waiting for?)

What she had been scared for?

It couldn't be that..

(COULD IT?!)

That he was trying to..

**VERY BAD FORMAT N ENDING, I AM SOOO SORRY, AND I HAVENT UPDATED IN A WHILE, SORRY FOR THAT**


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